Back then I was seduced by slick businessmen with snazzy cars who traveled in packs. Affectionate -- Affection is warmth in action. Partnership -- The only place I want to be dominated is in the bedroom, and that still requires my consent. There's nothing wrong with someone who fits that description -- but razzle-dazzle wears thin quickly without substance to back it up. Generosity -- Stinginess is a turn-off. Laying his head on my chest because it's one of his favorite places to be. IQ points are great, but that's just a piece of smart. Smart people read nuances and see the humor in situations.
Warmth -- It's exhausting trying to connect with someone behind walls. But mostly I reflected on the intangibles -- qualities, values, character traits -- a man must possess so that I want to send plates flying as I crawl across the dinner table and lower myself onto his lap. It's not sexy to sleep with someone who holds back physically or emotionally in bed. But just what, I asked myself, makes a man so sexy you can feel it emanating from him when he walks in the room? While squandering one's money and emotions indicate a lack of control or self-worth, counting pennies and withholding genuine contact suggest a preference for things over people. Sometimes I remembered how a t-shirt clung to one man's shoulders, or how another held my gaze unabashedly over a glass of wine. I've also found that stingy men aren't as good lovers as their more generous counterparts. And the brand of humor is critical. Generosity -- Stinginess is a turn-off. But now, at 52, I don't really have a "type. Vulnerability -- A man isn't strong unless he is also vulnerable. In all other contexts I want a man who doesn't try to dominate me, who understands the need for compromise, reciprocity, communication, and respect. Laying his head on my chest because it's one of his favorite places to be. I gravitate towards men with a palpable sexiness. Intellect -- A beautiful mind is sexy. There is nothing sexier than a man who's grounded, who's in command of the impulses and anger that may have derailed him when he was younger, whose quiet confidence telegraphs, without a hint of arrogance, that he has nothing to prove. Did I notice eyes? There's nothing wrong with someone who fits that description -- but razzle-dazzle wears thin quickly without substance to back it up. Integrity -- This ingredient separates the boys from the men. Mindfulness -- the ability to be aware and present in the moment, even if that moment is painful -- is the ultimate form of ambition because it requires a commitment to personal growth that is not for the faint of heart. IQ points are great, but that's just a piece of smart. I have no time or patience for men who play games and control women in order to feel like men. It's impossible for me to connect with someone who's ultra-literal, hyper-serious, and rarely laughs. Many of these 11 things didn't appear on the checklist I had when I was in my 20s. I'm talking about internal-fortitude strength.
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